


Condom conundrums

by pandacheeze



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Convenience Store, Bottom Monkey D. Luffy, Established Relationship, M/M, Misunderstandings, Top Trafalgar D. Water Law, adorkable Luffy, bench sex in Ch.2, curious Nami, mentioned hot sex, nonchalant Law
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2020-11-09 02:26:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20846009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandacheeze/pseuds/pandacheeze
Summary: As a convenience store clerk, this is the first time that Nami's seen a guy underestimate his condom size. Mr. Tall, Dark, and Tattooed here is certainly bigger than 52.





	1. Chapter 1

He doesn't even try to be subtle about it. 

Most men would place some drinks or snacks on the counter first, then swiftly pluck a few condom boxes from the nearby display shelf and mix them in with the other items. 

It's less conspicuous that way. 

Not this customer, though. Without preamble, the tall guy snatches five boxes and places them in front of Nami, the jet-black labels contrasting starkly against the off-white countertop. 

Hard-boiled indeed.

Keeping her professionally neutral expression, Nami grabs a box and raises it to the barcode reader, but then she notices the printed numbers.

Huh. 52?

Nami's slept with men shorter than this customer and even those were at least 54. Maybe he picked up the wrong size in a hurry?

She glances around to make sure there's no-one else in the store. Well, except for this guy's younger friend who came in with him but made a beeline for the packaged meat products.

"52? You sure?" she whispers to the customer whose golden eyes, sharp contours, and tattooed arms should be gracing the cover of some fashion magazine.

Without missing a beat, he replies "These are for him," and jerks his thumb in the direction of the shorter male who's gawking at the myriad of ready-to-eat stuff with childish glee.

"So he doesn't mess the bed when he comes," the tall customer adds with a straight face. 

And Nami can envision it. The smaller guy flat on his stomach on the bed. Limbs in whichever direction. Entire back blanketed by his larger boyfriend. Their sweat-slicked bodies moving in sync with one another. The older male's hips grind onto his partner's pert bottom with increasing pace and force, until the teen lets out a muffled cry against his pillow as he gushes his release. His body continues to be jostled by his boyfriend's frenzied thrusts, causing his belly to spread the gooey cum all over the sheets. Not only would it mean less clean space to lie on afterward, the laundry would also be a total pain in the neck. 

"Oh. Well, in that case, I guess this is the right size," Nami comments with a sympathetic nod. Less soiled sheets mean less washing. Plus, stains like that don't quite go away once settled into the threads overnight. Ick.

The customer is shoving the condoms into his hoodie's kangaroo pocket when the other male comes running toward the cashier, sandals clapping the floor at high speed.

"Torao! I wanna buy this, too!" he shouts cheerily, hand holding out a bag of cheese sausages.

Normally, Nami would be openly irritated if a couple of customers belatedly decided to add something to their purchase _after_ she already rung the till, but this guy... This bubbly fellow here has the most _adorable_ smile that Nami's ever seen. His toothy grin reaches all the way to his eyes, shining happiness brighter than rainbows and butterflies, and Nami has no wonder how he managed to hook up such a stoic man, who is currently gazing down at the beaming munchkin with the corners of his own lips curled up.

"Of course, Luffy-ya," he says, hands digging his jean pocket for a banknote while his eyes are still soaking up his boyfriend's lively radiance. 

With a discreet smile at the two's affection, Nami scans the sausages and reaches for a plastic bag but is stopped by Luffy's outburst of "NO! No need for a bag! Torao likes polar bears and he said scientists are spotting more of them eating plastic and I don't want Torao to be sad if more polar bears roll over and die because of plastic so no bag please!" he explains in one breath.

The tattooed guy makes an embarrassed choking sound. He grabs their purchase from Nami, grabs his boyfriend with his other hand, then tows him toward the exit, all the while mumbling _Luffy-ya you don't have to go on telling everyone about that.   
_

Nami can't help chuckling a bit when the other rambles _But Torao if we tell her then she can tell a bunch of other customers so everyone will think of the cute polar bears and say no to a lot more bags wouldn't that be great? _and so on, and so on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what a dozen comments and tons of kudos gets you, folks. They inspire the author to write another juicy chapter.

God_damn_it.

There aren't any condoms near the piano.

Sure, yesterday Law had tossed most of his recently purchased packets into their bedside table, wedged a few foil strips between the couch cushions, and even hid some in the kitchen cupboard, but there are none at all within reaching distance from the piano. 

Earlier today, Law was trying out the new renditions of Final Fantasy VII soundtracks when Luffy sidled down beside him on the bench. While Law's elegant hands played the song, Luffy's monkey hands started fiddling with Law's zipper. The music sheets were soon forgotten, their hands switched to groping each other's body, Luffy's clothes got lost in the fray, and now he's bearing down on Law's spit-slicked erection. 

Straddling Law's lap, Luffy tries to find purchase as he works up and down Law's shaft. The antique piano shrieks a slur of notes when Luffy's elbow slams on the ivory and ebony keys. 

"Don't break those," Law chides, slinging Luffy's arm around his own neck instead and closing the fallboard with his other hand. "This piano's my family's heirloom."

Law would have gotten up to grab a condom from the nearest stash, but with him already balls-deep inside the impatient younger male like this, he's literally rooted to the spot. Well, who the fuckwould have expected sex at the piano? Definitely not Law. But yeah, that's Luffy for you. Unpredictability incarnate. Murphy's law should be renamed Luffy's law, because with him, anything that can go wrong is so certain to go haywire that Law would wager both of his adrenal glands. 

"Couldn't even wait for me to finish those notes, could you?" Law murmurs before tracing Luffy's jawline with his tongue, and Luffy shivers from Law's warm breath against his neck. He arches back and braces one hand on Law's knees, riding Law's thick dick like he was born to be a cock cowboy.

"Those songs can wait... _I_ can't," Luffy pants as he bucks his hips faster, his tip already oozing clear beads. Law needs to think faster, too. If Luffy comes like this, his release could spatter over the bench's irreplaceable upholstery or the costly Alabastan carpet beneath them. 

With his own clothes mostly intact, Law cloaks Luffy's shaft in his t-shirt. No longer worried about the cleanup, Law grabs two handfuls of Luffy's bubble butt and bounces the smaller male on his lap.

_"_A-Ahh!! Yeah! Right there, _Torao~_" Luffy moans skyward as he's slid up and down Law's hard length. When he starts huffing _I'm close I'm close,_ the older male thrusts up without respite, to the point that the poor old bench is starting to wobble.

Law feels Luffy's walls tighten around him a fraction of a second before Luffy lets out a shout of ecstasy. His completion pulls Law right along. Groans escape Law's throat as he finishes inside Luffy. He holds his lover's waist in place, fingertips pressing into the twin dimples in Luffy's lower back while he continues to leisurely roll his hips up. The grinding of their tender flesh causes Luffy to give out sweet cries of pleasure from the orgasmic tremors.

After Law blinks the haze away, he notices that the part of his t-shirt on top of Luffy's tip is now a sodden patch. Scanning their surroundings, he doesn't spot any wetness elsewhere and exhales a sigh of relief. 

Now, the next problem is... without any tissues in sight, how the hell do they move to the bathroom without leaking any of his cum from Luffy's ass?


End file.
